Letters From A Tory

“Half the chicks in London will end up pregnant and the pubs will all be out of stock by midday’

- a solider, commenting on the unofficial website the British Army Rumour Service, about what might happen if army personnel march on the capital to dispute their 2.6% pay rise.

Dear Allan Mallinson,

I think what surprised me most about your article in the Telegraph this morning was that you sounded surprised.  With Labour getting hammered in the polls week after week, it does not surprise me in the slightest that Gordon Brown is trying to appear more ‘British’ and provide some nice soundbites that suggest he gives a damn about the Armed Forces.

Cynical as it may be, Gordon Brown will obviously jump on any bandwagon he can to erase the memories of his government’s incompetence over the past few months.  The public have turned against him and he knows it.  When stuck in the middle of crisis, what safer way of trying to woo the public back to supporting the government than coming out in favour of our Armed Forces.  Thankfully after the debacle during conference season where he tried to play us all about the troop withdrawal from Iraq, people just don’t believe him anymore.  As you pointed out, his Christmas message to our troops rings hollow in their ears after years and years of underfunding and overstretching their resources as Chancellor.

I wish our troops a Merry Christmas, as I’m sure you do too.  Better luck next time, Gordon.

Yours sincerely,

A.Tory

In the fight against global terror, I am always happy to see a government planning for all eventualities in order to protect the public.  However, sometimes I really feel that governments can take their planning a little too far.

Dear Gordon Brown,

Outrageous.  Absolutely outrageous.  In the face of almost daily criticism over the funding and support for our armed forces (including THIS MORNING), you have the nerve to ignore some of the top military chiefs in this country.  As Chancellor of the Exchequer you continued to leave our forces underfunded and overstretched and now you turn round to our loyal troops and say that you have every intention of making sure they are fully equipped.

I think I’m going to be sick.

A.Tory

Dear Des Browne,

Rumour has it that you were furious with Uncle Gordon when he made his highly controversial mid-week announcement about troop withdrawals from Iraq during conference season, as he hadn’t discussed it with you.  It now seems that the hole he has dug for you is even bigger than we first realised.

According to the Guardian this morning, the Ministry of Defence is strongly considering increasing the size of the Army.  To draw up these plans after Uncle Gordon tried to use the lives of our troops to manipulate voters makes it very hard to accept such an announcement.  Sadly, many voters have forgotten about the ever-deteriorating situation in Afghanistan, which is likely to require more British troops at the same time as troops slowly withdraw from Iraq.  The government has got their military planning horribly wrong and instead of focussing on correctly equipping our army, they have focussed on electoral strategy instead - and British soldiers are quite literally dying as a result.

Shame on you, Des Browne, and shame on the government for letting this happen.

Yours with contempt,

A.Tory