EXCLUSIVE: Conservative blog crippled by latest Royal Mail cutbacks

PRESS RELEASE – FRIDAY 11 JULY 0805

The centre-right blog ‘Letters From A Tory’ was left in disarray last night after the Royal Mail announced another set of sweeping cuts.

As part of their modernisation programme, Royal Mail have decided to withdraw their logistical support for A.Tory, who runs the ‘Letters From A Tory’ blog, in addition to their recent announcement of further Post Office closures. A Royal Mail spokesman said that these cuts to their blogging support services were “essential for the long-term survival of the organisation”.

‘Outrage’

A.Tory, who regularly sends letters to politicians, pressure groups, national and international bodies and crap journalists, is said to be outraged and disillusioned at the proposed changes by Royal Mail. He was quoted last night as saying that the Royal Mail were a “bunch of lazy f***ers who wouldn’t understand the concept of a hard day’s work even if it came up to them and kicked them in the b*******”, although he later said that his remarks had been taken out of context.

‘Confusion’

A.Tory was also said to be “deeply concerned” that his weekend blogging service may be affected by the latest Royal Mail proposal. He claims that the lack of postal deliveries on Sundays had made blogging almost impossible and he has “serious doubts” about whether he can continue blogging on Saturdays due to increasing pressure from his girlfriend to occasionally pay some attention to her. However, a source close to A.Tory said that he couldn’t understand why the blogger was so upset about the Royal Mail plans seeing as A.Tory doesn’t actually send any letters in the mail – he just posts them on his blog. When a journalist put this to A.Tory yesterday evening, he told him to “p*** off” and suggested that he gets “a real job” before storming off in a sulk.

‘Setback’

These cuts represent another setback for A.Tory, who said yesterday - shortly before the Royal Mail announcement - that he had “no choice” but to withdraw the RANTBOX from his blog, even though it had only been introduced a couple of months ago.  A.Tory stated that he was unable to pay any attention at work with his RANTBOX feature running for almost the whole day and felt “slightly guilty” about not getting anything meaningful done from 9:30am-6pm. Left-wing bloggers were quick to seize on this move and claimed that he had removed the RANTBOX because hardly anyone actually used it. In response to this, A.Tory insisted that the RANTBOX was “still more popular than the Prime Minister”, at which point the left-wing bloggers decided to drop the subject.

‘Plea’

In a desperate effort to reassure his readers (yes, all four of them), A.Tory maintains that the ‘Letters From A Tory’ blog will continue to innovate and bring in random and usually pointless features for no reason whatsoever in future. Until then, his readers will have to make do with the usual combination of abuse, charm, wit, intelligence and incisive analysis that you can find on all other decent political blogs apart from ‘Letters From A Tory’.

ENDS

Notes to editors:

1. ‘Letters From A Tory’ is a largely irrelevant blog written from a centre-right perspective. The author, A.Tory, is anonymous because he is concerned that if people knew how boring he was in real life that they might stop reading his blog altogether.
2. All the cutbacks by Royal Mail alluded to in this blog post are totally fictitious.
3. The Royal Mail are still a bunch of twats.
4. A.Tory wishes his readers a great weekend.