Letters From A Tory

Dear Ken Leavingsoon Leaveinshame,

Sorry for not writing yesterday, but I was far too busy toasting your defeat.  Now that you have been humbled at the polls by this man…

…I can only imagine how hard it must be for you. Let us not forget that the man you told us all was a clown and a racist has somehow managed to destroy your political career. That doesn’t reflect well on you, does it! Anyway, I thought that, being such a charitable soul, I would give you some kinds words of advice to help get you back on your feet. Firstly, I suggest that you go home with all your remaining supporters….

…and think long and hard about how much your campaign sucked and why so many Londoners utterly despise you. This may require a lot of soul searching but I reckon you will eventually reach the conclusion that scandals, cronyism, taking huge amounts of our council tax in return for nothing, hiking prices on the congestion charge and aligning yourself with unsavoury characters both at home and abroad doesn’t go done too well with us Londoners. When this epiphany finally takes hold, you might feel a little down…

…but don’t worry, it will soon pass. However bad you might feel about the disgraceful way you have run London for the past eight years or how much London has turned against you, this anguish will pale into insignificance compared to the pain you will undoubtedly feel when you think back to the day you stood side by side with this man…

Best wishes,

A.Tory