Letters From A Tory

Dear BBC,

It appears as though your organisation has now been compromised by the poor literacy skills that are sweeping the country.  Yesterday your website made a complete hash of reporting the news in an unbiased way, and not for the first time.  Here is a screenshot of your front page on the Standards Chief’s assessment of the Derek Conway scandal:

From this, a reader would think that the Standards Chief supports the banning of MP’s relatives working in Parliament, but this is a blatant misrepresentation of the truth.  If you clicked on the story, you would be taken to the main article:

What you can see quite clearly (if you were able to read) is that he DID NOT say it was the right thing to do, making a mockery of your front page quote.  He actually said banning MP’s relatives could be a “rather harsh answer to the problem”, which strongly implies that he is not actually in favour of such a move.

So, was this bias against the Conservatives, incompetent reporting, poor literacy standards on your part, or sensationalist journalism at it’s very worst?  I await your reply.

A.Tory

I know many motorists around the UK are constantly irritated by speed restrictions, parking fines and lots of other Government initiatives aimed at screwing more money out of drivers.  Luckily for you, I think I may have found the perfect way to get some revenge.

ONE YEAR AGO:

“It’s a Rudy Romp” (New York Post)

* A Fox News poll of Jan. 30-31 shows the former mayor jumping out to a significant lead among Republicans - 34 to 22 percent.

* A Gallup poll taken Jan. 25-28 shows Giuliani is better liked by Republicans than McCain -74 to 21 percent and more trusted to handle a crisis (68-20). Some 60 percent say Giuliani “better understands the problems of the average person,” against 33 percent who pick McCain. By 58-34, America’s Mayor is seen as the stronger leader.

TODAY:

I am very much of the opinion that the NHS is an absolute disaster and should be completely overhauled if we truly want to set up a world-class health service.  However, it does make me feel a little bit better about our health service when I read about what happens in other countries.

Dear Derek Conway,

I am genuinely disheartened by the events of the last 24 hours with regard to your abuse of taxpayers’ money.  Anyone who thought that the Conservatives were immune from scandals of their own was clearly living in a dreamland, but for a senior MP to show such disregard for MP’s expenses and to hand out your financial privileges as if it was pocket money is a truly shameful act.

The only question that needed to be addressed is what punishment fits the crime.  You are apparently facing a 10-day suspension from the Commons, and that’s it.  Well I bet you are quaking in fear at the prospect of being kept out for a few days, and I have no doubt that all the other MPs who are currently shafting the taxpayer are also terrified by the thought of such a crippling admonishment.  I cannot believe this, I really can’t.  You even managed to keep the Tory whip.  I don’t understand what David Cameron is doing, although I’m sure you are absolutely delighted to get away with a small slap on the wrist.  Mr Cameron should have withdrawn the whip, publicly shamed you, and made it clear that you were a whisker away from being kicked out of the Commons for good.

If a verbal warning is the standard punishment for MPs who knowingly and cynically break the rules and neglect their responsibilities as a representative of their constituents in such an overtly deceitful manner, my attitude is: why would MPs not break the rules?  Evidently they have nothing to fear.

Yours in disbelief,

A.Tory

Of all the ways to save our education system from the slippery slope that it is already on, I find it hard to believe that the most effective solution to this crisis is allowing McDonalds to offer A-levels.

Dear Chris Bryant,

Evidently the desire to release stupid initiatives is spreading like a nasty virus through the Labour Party.  It now seems that you honestly believe giving sex education to 9-year-olds is a good idea - a truly chilling thought.

It is quite clear that the Labour government has no idea how to prevent teenage pregnancies.  If you think that your approach to sex education is the correct one, surely the statistics would make you think twice.  Up to 20 teenagers are pregnant at any one time in some schools, which is a shocking assessment of the Government’s woeful decisions about how to tackle this issue.  Even though you admit that teenage pregnancy leads to “vicious cycle of under-achievement, benefit dependency, ill health, lack of aspiration, poor parenting and child poverty”, you still react in a classic Labour fashion and throw money at a problem while releasing a pointless initiative aimed at telling 9-year-olds about sex, which is far more likely to increase teenage pregnancy than to reduce it.

Your lack of respect for the newborn children caught up in this vicious cycle makes me sick.  You are destroying children’s lives before they have even had a change to begin.  For once, why don’t you deal with the causes of the issue - family breakdown, a failing benefits system, and tolerance of this behaviour when it should be shamed, not supported.

In disgust,

A.Tory

“You see, what Peter should have done is hide his list of third party donations in one of these, like I did”

If you ever get into trouble with the law, I think I may have found the solution.  The BBC website has just published a few famous cases of financial fraud after what happened in France, and I strongly suggest you read the defence used by Peter Young - which is absolutely sensational and may well get you out of a tight spot.

Dear Jacqui Smith,

You really are having a bad time, aren’t you.  As if the sad situation about police pay wasn’t enough to damage your reputation, I know read that police numbers are falling at their fastest rate in seven years.

Apparently there is still money coming into to police forces around the country, but the Government has ring-fenced part of the funding for community support officers instead of real policeman.  Do you honestly think that the public wants pointless community support officers instead of real police?  Are you trying to kid us by making us think that there are more police on the streets by dressing up these stupid police imitations in the same uniform as actual policeman?  You are a disgrace to this country and your recent comments about feeling unsafe walking about at night just show what contempt you have for the safety of the public.  I seriously hope you are the next cabinet member to lose their job, and sooner rather than later.

Yours sincerely,

A.Tory

“Jérôme has done nothing wrong”

- mother of Jérôme Kerviel , former trader at Société Générale, who cost France’s second largest bank almost €5bn (£3.7bn)

Dear James Purnell,

Not sure if I should offer congratulations or commiserations on your appointment to the Department of Work and Pensions.  Your brief for Culture, Media and Sport was without doubt one of the cushy numbers as far as ministerial posts go, but I wonder how well this promotion will work out for you.

Let’s be honest - Gordon Brown likes ‘yes’ men, and he has been placing people like Jacqui Smith and Alistair Darling in the firing line for months because they never disagree with him as they’re either too scared or too incompetent to understand what Uncle Gordon is doing.  In fact, both of them have been getting serious amounts of bad press just for saying whatever Uncle Gordon wants them to say.  The question is: are you going to roll over and act as the PM’s spokesman or are you going to stand up to the PM when he dumps you in the political dungheap - which, mark my words, will happen a lot over the next few years. 

The PM loves surrounding himself by inexperienced and usually incapable Cabinet members, so are you going to fit into that mould as well or are you going to break the shackles and risk ruining your short-term career?  Hmmm, I wonder…..

Yours gleefully,

A.Tory

“I personally regard him as an excellent colleague and a good friend”

Dear Andrew Lansley,

You really have to tear the Government to pieces over the outrageous proposals to pay people to lose weight.  This is going to have disastrous consequences for people’s physical and mental health and I urge you to turn this against the Government.

Apparently, even the Conservatives have ‘healthy lifestyle reward vouchers’ in the pipeline, so it seems that you’re all getting this wrong.  If you incentivise people to lose weight or even have people compete against each other to lose weight as the Government is proposing, people will crash- diet and could cause themselves serious damage.  The psychological implications of getting paid to compete with each other to lose weight is frightening.  Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, should eat a balanced diet every day of their lives and should do regular exercise.  Instead of bribing people, how about making it perfectly clear that the Government is not going to interfere with their lives on a daily basis and goad them into shedding pounds - instead, obese people will have to contribute to their healthcare costs should they need any treatment for obesity-related disorders?  Spell out the consequences loud and clear of people eating fatty foods and sitting on their backsides the whole day.

You, like the Government, also seem to have forgotten about the role of working hours, single parents, working parents, expensive gyms and a whole load of other factors in obesity which ensure that stupid little scheme like this will have minimal impact on people’s lives.

Yours despairingly,

A.Tory

Dear readers,

This is Gordon Brown.

Actually, this is Gordon Brown.

The reason this is interesting is because the top photo is cut and paste from a Government report released yesterday, and I think you’ll agree that Gordon Brown is looking remarkably thin and young with considerably less grey hair than we are used to seeing.

…which becomes more interesting when you realise that the Government report that the top picture is taken from is entitled ‘Healthy Weight, Healthy Lives‘ (no joke).

…which then becomes even more interesting when you compare the top photo with a photo on the GMB Union website in 2005:

…which becomes even more interesting when you compare the quality of the two images, as the very top picture from yesterday’s Government report looks rather grainy on closer inspection, which is what happens whenever you download a small picture from the Internet then try to zoom in (download the Government report and look at the original picture on page 5 if you don’t believe me)

…which becomes even more interesting when you compare the photo from the GMB website, apparently taken in 2005, to a photo from the IMF in 2005:

…which clearly demonstrates what Gordon Brown actually looked like in 2005.

Do you think Gordon is getting a bit self-conscious these days, or is he so obsessed with government spin that he’s actually now trying to spin himself?  Answers in the Comments, please.

And there I was thinking that American politics never sunk as low as ours in terms of name-calling and childish taunts.  How wrong I was.

“Well I think I might be a policeman when I grow up but my mummy says you don’t get paid very much”

Dear Daniel Finkelstein,

You certainly put together an interesting argument in today’s Times.  With the stock market looking decidely shaky, voters will probably have their attention deflected away from the Government, at least for a short while.   However, I don’t agree with your assessment of where this will all end.

In hard times, I agree that voters often prefer the devil they know - which in this case would mean sticking with Labour should the economy still be in a mess at the next election.  I suspect that voters won’t hold our Government responsible for the stock market wobbles, which is perfectly understandable.  However, the myth of Gordon Brown’s economic competence is starting to slowly disintegrate and people are genuinely wondering whether he can steady the rocky boat that is our economic outlook (let’s face it, Alistair Darling is an irrelevance and doesn’t control anything).  To this end,  I don’t agree with your prediction that David Cameron will abandon his optimistic approach to campaigning because he is starting to reap the rewards of his approach and the public are looking to him to provide an alternative to Labour (i.e. no sleaze, maybe some tax cuts, general competence, and sorting out the mess that this country is in).

I guess the fundamental point we disagree on is that you believe that Gordon Brown is seen as an authority figure in the minds of the public, whereas I think they look at him as a complete disaster.  He won’t get blamed for the stock market wobbles, but in my humble opinion he will never again be seen as the saviour of the British economy.

Yours sincerely,

A.Tory

As time rapidly runs out on stopping the EU Treaty getting through Parliament, I wonder if this might offer a final glimmer of hope for those of us who oppose it.

Dear Ken Livingstone,

Nice try, but I don’t think you are seriously going to follow up your complaint about Channel 4’s Dispatches programme.  You can stomp your feet as much as you want, but your disgraceful behaviour has not gone unnoticed.

You were accused of “financial profligacy, cronyism and links to a Trotskyite faction conspiring to transform London into a ’socialist city state’ ” and it was also alleged that ”public money was used to smear one of Livingstone’s adversaries and that mayoral staff raised funds for his re-election bid in breach of local government rules.”  Interestingly, you have chosen to attack Dispatches on the grounds of “lack of balance”, rather than attack the specific points raised in the document - which, from what I have been reading, is all completely true.  Guido and Iain Dale have done a decent job of holding you to account but Andrew Gilligan plus newspapers such as THIS and THIS have done even more damage.  Still no answers from you, just a pathetic threat of a lawsuit, which will of course require you to face these allegations should you ever follow it up.

You’re going down at the mayoral elections and I cannot wait to see the back of you.  London deserves better.

Yours sincerely,

A.Tory

“The House of Commons has a certain rude logic to it. But it’s a pathetic way to run a democracy with grown men and women shouting at each other”

- Nick Clegg takes a swipe at Prime Minister’s Question Time

As the Northern Rock crisis and the EU Treaty look like dominating the headlines for the next week or so, I suppose this was a good time for Gordon Brown to start panicking and sneak this through without anyone noticing.

Dear Richard Branson,

Unsurprisingly some of the papers today are already trying to portray you as the ‘bad guy’ in the mess that is Northern Rock.  Yet again, their logic misses some rather salient points.

Northern Rock has already become one of the biggest financial disasters this country has ever seen.  For the taxpayer to be exposed to a £54 billion loss is mind-boggling.  Even so, I find it incredible that your Virgin group, and indeed the other major bidders for the Northern Rock bail out, are being portrayed in the media as the evil ones in this situation.  This has apparently come about by the private sector bidders not wanting to take on any serious risk as part of the deal for taking over Northern Rock.  What a bloody surprise!!!  Who would want to take on such a massive risk?  Yet again, the liberal media have no concept of how the real world operates and desperately try to label yourself and other individuals as taking advantage of a bad situation.

Honestly, it just winds me up no end.  If you can salvage a decent deal for yourself and the taxpayer (and by decent, I mean minimising the losses to the taxpayer, because the Government is clearly going to be massively out of pocket on this one) then good on you.  Thank you for being willing to even go near the mess that is Northern Rock.

Yours sincerely,

A.Tory

Dear readers,

Hope you like the new look for this blog.  Please feel free to email me with any comments you might have, positive or negative.

Also I’ve updated the blogroll with the following new additions: Daily Referendum, Boulton and Co, Paul Linford, Englishman’s Castle, Shane Greer, Mike Rouse, Newmania, Tim Worstall, Mars Hill, Bob Piper, Harry’s Place, Nick Robinson, Norfolk Blogger, Quaquem, and Dave’s Part.

Regards

A.Tory

“You can shamelessly rake in all the blood money in the world but if you have still got to wake up each morning next to Cherie, then you retain my sympathy, not anger”

- Piers Morgan on Tony Blair