Letters From A Tory

“It is not uncommon to see males collapsing with exhaustion as the demands of the females get too much for them”

Dr Jakob Bro-Jorgensen from the London Zoological Society, describing why male topi antelope are probably the luckiest animals on the planet.

This video sees arguably the two greatest forces on this planet collide - Chuck Norris and politics.

Dear Gordon Brown,

Talk about pressure.  You may remember that not more than a couple of months ago, everything was looking rather good for you and your party.  You had an enormous poll lead, you were planning a general election - everything looked so comfortable and life was so simple.  Now you are embroiled in a battle that, regardless of future poll ratings, will never be forgotten by the British public.

Harriet Harman is fighting for her political survival.  If you had sacked her a couple of days ago, she would have no need to begin the naming-and-shaming that she is currently pursuing, which is now threatening the very fabric of your government.  Your decision to let her stay in her job, presumably to show support for your Ministers, means that her survival instinct has kicked in and she will not accept the blame for anything (which appears to be a theme currently running through most of the Labour Party right now, I’ve noticed).  Chris Leslie, one of your aides, has now been openly implicated in the donation scandal which makes it even harder to believe that you had no idea what was going on.

These are dark days for your government and dark days for British politics.  For a man who promised to restore the public’s trust in government, you’re doing a pretty terrible job of it.

Yours sincerely, 

A.Tory

If you are feeling a little out of touch with the US Presidential elections but would like to find out more, click on THIS LINK to watch some video clips from last night’s YouTube debate between all the Republican candidates.  It’s very interesting to see their reactions to some very tough questions submitted by the general public, and I think British politics could learn a lot from this style of political debate.

If prostitutes raise money for charity, is it immoral?

“There is a growing sense that we are part of a Shakespearean tragedy here. Blow after blow is falling, they are not in themselves related but they have a cumulative effect. The net effect is an atmosphere of inevitable and impending doom”

- Labour MP Bob Marshall-Andrews on the Government’s plight

Dear Robert Fisk,

As a highly-regarded political commentator, I am often keen to read your perspective on international politics.  Your views on the recent Israeli-Palestinian commitment to talks over the coming year are as sceptical and cynical as mine, albeit for slightly different reasons.

There is certainly a feeling of ‘we have heard this all before’ about the future peace talks.  This is not necessarily a problem, as there must be willing on both sides if we are to even get close to a peaceful agreement.  However, the fact that Hamas is still excluded from discussions is a disgrace in my opinion and is likely to cause a serious backlash at some point before the end of 2008.  You mentioned the role of President Bush, and I for one would go much further than you in terms of the significance attributed to his involvement.  Here we have a President who is hated by the world and by his own people, a President who has declared war on Iraq and Afghanistan and has done nothing other than destroy these two nations and turn their citizens against him, a President who only has a few months left and is desperate to be remembered fondly in the history books.  It all feels so fake, so hollow.

I look forward to your ongoing commentary on this issue.  I sincerely hope it ends well, but like you I think it will fall well short of peace.

A.Tory

“Landlord’s spying bugs tenants”

Dear Harriet Harman,

Breakfast this morning will probably be an uncomfortable experience for you.  In a bizarre twist, Gordon Brown may be taking a considerable portion of the flack over this despicable funding row, but it is your job that is looking the most vulnerable.

Let us be clear about a few things.  You accepted a donation from Janet Kidd, who you had never heard of nor met - and this didn’t raise an eyebrow?  The fact that your husband is the Labour Party treasurer makes your acceptance of a dubious and unchallenged donation seem all the more incredible.  The Prime Minister may have narrowly dodged the bullet by not accepting donations from Mr Abrahams, but you were not as careful.  As if that wasn’t bad enough, Hilary Benn turned down a donation from Janet Kidd and you didn’t, even though you were both contesting the Labour deputy leadership at the time.

Oh dear.  The future looks a little bleaker for you with every day that passes.  What’s that saying about jumping and being pushed?  Remind me…

A.Tory

Dear UCAS,

As the body that oversees all higher education applications in this country, the responsibility for sorting out the problems with access to the top universities is yours.  Independent schools are now five times more likely to reach the Russell Group universities (which includes Oxford and Cambridge) than state school pupils, leading some to claim their is a social class bias in universities.

The government is clearly obsessed with pursuing the myth of equality in education, but there is no justification for getting involved in this.  John Denham, the Innovation, Universities and Skills Secretary, has accused the top universities of “social bias” against the working-class, while ministers have been accused of “social engineering” and a bias against independent schools - and they’re probably both right.  More private school pupils getting into top universities is no cause for alarm IF they are the most able students as I am a firm believer in a meritocracy, but any intervention on the part of the government to help state schools would most certainly be social engineering.

Here’s a solution - how about making your application system anonymous, as I suggested in my Education paper on this blog (’My views on education’)?  All personal details are withheld from the universities including which school they attend, so that all candidates are judged on merit alone?  Why are you so stuck in the past when a simple alteration could end this debate once and for all?

Yours despairingly,

A.Tory

‘Not even Santa’s elves can count on job security’

Dear George Osborne,

It’s almost reaching the point where hacking the Labour Party to pieces in the media is becoming too damn easy.  You don’t even have to dig around for potential scandals and appalling behaviour - it surfaces in the press without you or anyone else having to do anything.  The resignation of the Labour Party’s general secretary is merely the latest problem to hit the government and I suspect there are more juicy political treats awaiting the Conservatives this side of Xmas.

I’m very impressed by the way that you have done nothing more than ‘put the squeeze’ on the government instead of trying to steal the spotlight for yourself.  It must be awfully tempting to jump into interviews with all guns blazing and draw attention to yourself, but instead you have let the Labour Party do all the hard work by collapsing inwards and you have been asking all the right questions - what has happened to Mr Abraham’s planning applications since he made these donations?  When did the general secretary know about these donations?  When did the Prime Minister know about these donations?

Excellent work, Mr Osborne.  Keep it going.

A.Tory

‘Porn star teacher gets sacked’

Dear Oxford University,

No doubt you are feeling a little bruised after the media mauling you have received over the last few days over your decision to let David Irving and Nick Griffin appear at the Oxford Union in a debate on freedom of speech.  I am not surprised nor sympathetic on this matter.

I think a lot of people underestimate the important role that freedom of speech plays in this country (see ‘Why I write this blog’).  I see it as a core value in the UK and our government has let down the entire nation and everything we stand for by passing laws against freedom of speech, such as making it a criminal offence to make anti-homosexual remarks.  It will therefore come as no surprise that I genuinely believe that David Irving and Nick Griffin are fully entitled to their views and they should not be banned or censored unless they go as far as inciting violence against other people (which the BNP has come very close to in the past).

Consequently, one would be forgiven for thinking that I would welcome their appearance at the Oxford Union, but I don’t.  There is a big difference between letting someone have an opinion, and giving them a famous platform on which to share it.  Trevor Phillips, chairman of the Equality and Human Rights Commission, labelled your actions as “juvenile provocation” and I completely agree with him.  Inviting controversial figures is fine with me but why pick people who have nothing useful to contribute to a debate, seeing as their views are more the result of attention-seeking than a collection of rational and empirical evidence?

Yours in bemusement,

A.Tory

Dear Gordon Brown,

Outrageous.  Absolutely outrageous.  In the face of almost daily criticism over the funding and support for our armed forces (including THIS MORNING), you have the nerve to ignore some of the top military chiefs in this country.  As Chancellor of the Exchequer you continued to leave our forces underfunded and overstretched and now you turn round to our loyal troops and say that you have every intention of making sure they are fully equipped.

I think I’m going to be sick.

A.Tory

“Now that the England football team has successfully removed itself from Europe, perhaps we can go for the double and, with the help of a referendum, get the country to follow”

- Patrick Levy, of Sidcup, Kent, in a letter to the Daily Telegraph.

Dear Facebook,

I’m not one of those people who always cries foul whenever a website tries to access my personal information because they legally have to give you a chance of opting out of everything - which I invariably do.  However, Facebook is clearly pushing the boundaries by changing privacy settings without telling anyone in the hope that they can make some extra cash in the meantime.  According to the papers this morning you have been AT IT AGAIN.

Perhaps you would be so kind as to make an annoucement on Facebook everytime you change the privacy settings rather than adding it by stealth?  Thankfully the latest problems can be overcome by going to a Home page and clicking on Privacy, followed by External Websites and closing down any options on there.

Yours suspiciously,

A.Tory

Dear Iain Dale,

There is no doubt in my mind that David Cameron has indeed been avoiding the issue of the European Union as much as humanly possible, which is why your article should resonate loudly with many Conservative voters.

UKIP are mostly an irrelevance to British politics in the minds of many voters as they are a single-issue party, but when you pull together all the Conservative votes they have chipped away at for many years, all of a sudden they pose a threat.  I agree that they should not be taken lightly and must be overpowered from a tactical point of view if the Conservatives are to have any chance of a working majority in the next parliament.

So why is David Cameron still desperate to avoid talking about EU membership?  I think the answer is very simple.  He is all too aware that any definitive statement on the issue will cause a backlash, however small, from his own party.  Any sense of tension or anger within the Conservatives is likely to be amplified a hundred fold by Labour - giving them a brief respite from the carnage of their recent media coverage.  It is also conceivable that Cameron will wait until next year, with the prospect of an election looming, before he boldly makes a decision on the issue.  In the meantime, I’m sure he is happy to let Labour implode before bringing out the big guns to finish them off in late 2008/early 2009.

One can only wonder how vocal you will be on the EU when you are selected as the Conservative candidate for Maidstone….

Yours respectfully,

A.Tory

Dear readers,

If any of you struggle for the motivation to work today after last night’s England horror show, perhaps this video might help you make an early exit from the office:

Dear readers,

No serious blogging today as I am in a state of mourning, like every other England football fan.  Being at Wembley last night just made things worse.  Thankfully, I’ve still got just enough energy to highlight THIS STORY from the Telegraph plus some EXCELLENT CARTOONS on The Times website.

A.Tory

Dear Recess Monkey,

It was only a few days ago that I sent you a letter asking what the reasons were behind the apparent lack of political debate and useful content on your blog.  Now I found have my answer - apparently you have been spending time looking at young girl’s profiles on Facebook.  Charming.

In your defence, you were only doing it for ‘research purposes’ - so that’s alright, then.

Yours sincerely,

A.Tory

Dear readers,

Three more Facebook groups to join, if you so wish:

‘Sack the incompetent Chancellor - Darling’

‘Who’s got my kids identity?’

‘Child Benefit Data Stolen’

Take your pick!

A.Tory

Dear readers,

After my prophetic post yesterday, I’m not going to revisit the disaster that is Alistair Darling - especially as Iain Dale did such a great running commentary of how events unfolded yesterday.  Instead, may I suggest you hop onto Facebook and join one of these groups - the last two being my particular favourites (click on the image to enlarge it):

I suspect these groups might get a little bigger as the day goes on.  Feel free to leave suggestions for names of new Facebook groups in the Comments section….

A.Tory

Dear Alistair Darling,

You really have dug an enormous hole for yourself, haven’t you.  The original decision to intervene in the Northern Rock crisis was still the wrong call in my view as banks must be allowed to fail, but instead you tried to fool the public into thinking that you were protecting the taxpayer.  What a load of rubbish.

I don’t know how you have the nerve to stand in the House of Commons and start backtracking on your pledge to make sure the taxpayer does not spend a penny.  Every announcement makes me more nervous.  None of the bids for Northern Rock appear suitable, their share price keeps dropping, and you keep pretending that everything is ok.  To make matters worse, I sometimes get the feeling that your priorities are somewhat clouded by the Labour Party’s prior relationship with Northern Rock.

Miliband is already showing his inexperience and incompetence as Foreign Secretary, and your performance as Chancellor has been similarly embarrassing.  Sort it out, Darling.

A.Tory

Dear Chris Huhne,

I have no idea whether you were behind the ‘Calamity Clegg’ document and quite frankly I don’t care.  You have provided more press coverage for the Lib Dem leadership contest in the last 24 hours than I have seen in weeks.  So I guess that means congratulations are in order?

With a hint of a smirk,

A.Tory