Letters From A Tory

Dear Nick Clegg,

I am writing to you with the greatest sympathy, seeing as you are clearly suffering from memory problems despite your tender age.

I read this morning that in order to stamp your authority on the Lib Dem leadership contest, you will put it to the party that they face oblivion unless they broaden their appeal.  Crikey, talk about over the top.  The phrase ‘broadening our appeal’ is becoming a bit of a cliche these days, seeing as it always translates as ‘we need to win more votes because I’m terrified we are going to get shafted at the next election’.  Gordon Brown has been frantically trying to broaden the appeal of the Labour Party since he took charge, and thankfully that has spectacularly backfired.  But your memory problems are most evident when it comes to David Cameron and his actions since become leader of the opposition.  Apparently you will say today that “we will have to be bold. We will have to move outside our comfort zone, and take more risks than ever before” - isn’t that exactly what Cameron has been saying about the Conservatives for two years?!?!  Talk about deja vu.  You’ll also state that “The leadership election gives us a great opportunity to talk – plainly and directly – to the British people, an opportunity to be an outward-looking party again”.  Is there a book of Cameronisms that you’ve lifted this all from?

Everyone knows that you’d like to take the Lib Dems to the Right, despite enlisting the help of Steve Webb; and you - like David Cameron - are all too aware that repositioning a party on the political spectrum can be at best complicated and at worst a disaster.  It took Cameron two years to get it right.   When is the next General Election?  Oh yer, it’s in two years.

Yours in anticipation,

A.Tory